The All-Around Allstars

The All-Around Allstars is a team made up of pieces from the other teams.

Basic Premise

The idea is that perhaps the standard teams are too "theme team" in nature: one team is colorbound, another is Rookish, and so on; by picking pieces from the different teams, perhaps we can have a "dream team" that's more evenly balanced and is even more fun to play.

There are many possible all-star teams. I'm just going to try to pick one. In order for a piece to be chosen to play the Rook's position on the all-star team, it must make very Rooklike moves and have a very Rooklike value; and so on down the lineup.

Choosing a Team

It would be nice to have one piece from each team, but there are 5 teams and only 4 types of piece. One obvious answer to this is to choose a piece that appears on more than one team. If you count the Meticulous Mashers, there are 6 teams; having one piece from each team is probably impossible.

On the other hand, the Colorbound Clobberers are a fine team, but none of their pieces are all-stars. Their "rook" is the BD, their "Bishop" is the FAD (too strong), their "Knight" is the WA (a fine piece, but with so many other pieces able to move from g1 to f3, the WA is not an all-star), and their "Queen" is too weak to be an all-star (the other pieces are stronger, the "Queen" is weaker).

In order for a piece to be chosen to play the Rook's position on the all-star team, it must make very Rooklike moves and have a very Rooklike value; and so on down the lineup. In other words, the Fabulous FIDEs are the standard by which we judge the pieces, and so the Q, R, B, and N are already present in an abstract sense. Therefore there is no need to choose any of these pieces!

The Chancellor is the only piece we can take from the Rookies, the frlRrlbK is the only "Rook", the fBbhN is the only "Bishop", and there are 3 possible choices for the "Knight" (the fhNrlbK could be eligible). We already have two pieces with different forward and backward moves, so the choice is clear...

Announcing the starting lineup

Now we are ready for the team to take the field. Let us listen as the stadium announcer introduces the starting lineup to the crowd.

In the Corner

Let's all give a cheer for the Furlrurlbakking, who has had a great season playing for both the Nutty Knights and the Forward FIDEs.

The frlRrlbK will play both corner positions for the All-Stars.

Tonight's Knight

Next in, we have the Fibnif, who has starred for both the Nutty Knights and the Meticulous Mashers. (A pair of fbNF take the places next to the corner, with a loud cheer from the crowd.)

Dwight Bishight

You can hear the announcer pronounce "Dwight" with two syllables, but the rest is drowned out by the roar of the fans. (The FAN is a short-range piece that is stronger than a Rook, so it wasn't invited to play in the all-star game.) The fBbhN fills the vescoval position on the team.

Playing center, the Big Guy, Chancellor

The crowd, awed by the size and musculature of the RN, falls into a momentary hush.

Play Ball

We'll be back with the national anthem and the opening pitch right after this commercial message.

Commercial Message

Chess with Different Armies is real Chess, Chess with a capital C, and a better kind of Chess than Chess itself.

National Anthem

Bless our gracious Queen by the Pawn's early light while the Rook's red glare through the perilous Knight A and so forth A.

Sample Game

Well, Mel, here we are in spacious FIDE Park, and with the Fabulous FIDES as the home team the All-Stars get the first atbats.

Yes, that's right Phil, and I see they've already pushed the King's Pawn two squares. The King's Pawn has had a pretty good season after being promoted from the minor leagues, giving two checkmates, and only being blundered away six times.

You bet, Mel, but now the FIDEs have answered the same way and the All-star Fibnif advanced from the right towards the center and, look, the Knight defends the Pawn and there goes Bishight, taking a long run out to left field! It's a threat to score already, isn't it?

I think so, Scooter, since if Bishight gives himself up for the Knight and Fibnif takes the Pawn, then Fibnif can retreat while covering the Pawn. Looks bad for the FIDEs, doesn't it?

I have a letter here from one of my fans, whose 90th birthday is -- holy cow, did you see that?

The Fab FIDEs just pushed the Queens Pawn, the All-stars swapped, the Fabs grabbed with the Queen, the other Fibnif came out, and the Queen went to e6! Is that any good, or is it crazy?

And I also want to say hello to Brunhilda Sanchez from Bayonne, who writes that -- huh? Did they really Castle?

I think if they tried to score that g2 was going to be hanging, but now everything's up in the air. Wait, here comes the move....

(You hear a vendor in the stands crying "beer here", then the sudden crack of a piece hitting the board. The crowd stands and cheers, spilling popcorn on those in front. Crack! crack! crack! the pieces run around the board to field the play. Before you can see how it turns out, the game is interrupted by another commercial message. Your hands twitch on the remote control, you get involved watching an old Paul Muni movie, and not until you see the box score in the newspaper next day do you know what happened.)

1. e4 e5 2. (fbNF)g1-f3 Nb8-c6 3. (fBbhN)f1-b5 d7-d5!? 4. e4:d5 Qd8:d5 5. (fbNF)b1-c3 Qd5-e6 6. O-O! Bc8-d7 7. (frlRrlbK)f1-e1 O-O-O 8. (fBbhN)b5:c6?! Bd7:c6 9. (fbNF)f3:e5 Qe6-g6 10. f2-f3 Bf8-c5+ 11. Kg1-h1 Qg6:c2 12. (fbNF)e5:f7 Ng8-h6 13. (fbNF)f7-e6 Rd8-d6 14. d2-d4 Nh6-g4 15.

Doubtless 10.(RN)d1-e3 was better. Before that, 8. d4!? deserved consideration.

In this tight and violent position, 15.(fBbhN)c1-d2 seems crushing but loses to Qc2:d1!, and so I don't know what White's next move might be.

Perhaps 15.(RN)d1-d2 wins for White? In any case, this is a good place to stop because the position is very interesting. Perhaps it will intrigue you enough that you analyze it for awhile and then want to use this team in a game of Chess with Different Armies.